Please don't go for intensive meditation retreats (especially cultish ones), before you do all your somatic experiencing therapy (for a cheap intro session, contact Hâle Denizden) and inner-child re-parenting.
My inner-child therapist, Daja, on instagram.
Check out her book here, her free 1hr youtube inner-child self-therapy training (or the TL;DW: version in a Gemini thread that you can use for interactive inner-child therapy tips based on Daja’s training), and her fundraiser for a healing farm in Costa Rica here.
After healing your inner child you may wish to end rebirth!
But what if you can’t feel a real connection to your inner child?
I used to think that people should just try, and eventually they will be able to truly connect with their inner child, as it’s simply a matter of persistence. There’s some logic to this because when you try to talk to a traumatized child, they often will not talk to you because they don’t trust you to be there for them consistently.
But recently I re-thought this approach when my friend Scott said “half the time when I try to connect to baby me, I feel fake and it seems crazy.”
Then I thought about this and realized, it’s probably better to avoid trying to talk to your inner child unless you really feel like you can do it without feeling fake and crazy. Imagine if your real child came to you to talk and you talked to them in a fake/crazy way. That would be more damaging than helpful. It would make more sense to tell them “Sorry, I’m having a hard time right now, can we talk a little later?”
But that brings us back to square one.
Aside from medicinal interventions that have worked really well for me, like loveyhuasca, or sublingual mapacho + eating some san pedro cactus or full spectrum CBD, we should talk about setting the stage for a real relationship with your inner child.
Listen To That “Fake” Feeling
The likely reason it feels fake for the inner child to talk to or play with you is because baby you has the unmet needs of nurturing, safety, and trust, which must be addressed first. I had Gemini predict what Daja would say here:
Step 1: Activate the Inner Nurturer. When you try to connect and that thought “this is so silly” comes up, that’s the moment for practice. The Inner Nurturer’s job is to respond to that “silly” feeling with kindness, not to force the child to play.
What the Nurturer says: “It’s okay that you feel silly. This is new. I understand why you’d feel that way. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. I’m just here.”
Step 2: Activate the Inner Protector. This part creates real-world safety. The Protector’s job is to build a container strong enough for the vulnerable child to exist in.
What the Protector does: Set a real boundary with someone in your life. Say “no” to something. Clean your room. Handle a financial task you’ve been avoiding.
This makes you trustworthy to yourself. Your inner child starts to see that there’s a competent adult at the wheel who can handle life.
Make a Simple Vow. The real connection is not a visualization of you playing on a swing. It’s a quiet, internal promise, from your adult self to your inner child:
“I know you’re in there. I know I’ve ignored you, and I know you don’t trust me. That’s okay. You don’t have to do anything. My job, starting today, is to build a life that is safe for you. I will start listening. I will start protecting us.
